Mrs. Tali Poon's Wish

What I want in my Man - Original List: (age 26-31)

1. Handsome

2. Charming

3. Financially successful

4. A caring listener

5. Witty

6. In good shape

7. Dresses with style

8. Appreciates finer thing

9. Full of thoughtful surprises

10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a My Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking

2. Opens car doors, holds chairs

3. Has enough money for a nice dinner

4. Listens more than talks

5. Laughs at my jokes

6. Carries bags of groceries with ease

7. Owns at least one tie

8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal

9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries

10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a My Man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly

2. Doesn't drive off until I 'm in the car

3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally

4. Nods head when I'm talking

5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes

6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture

7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach

8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids

9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down

10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a My Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed

2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public

3. Doesn't borrow money too often

4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting

5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times

6. Is in good enough shape to get off the couch on weekends

7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear

8. Appreciates a good TV dinner

9. Remembers your name on occasion

10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a My Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Doesn't scare small children

2. Remembers where the bathroom is

3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep

4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing

6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself

7. Usually wears some clothes

8. Likes soft foods

9. Remembers where he left his teeth

10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a My Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing

2. Doesn't miss the toilet

Happiness

What is happiness? An emotion gifted to us human beings as a remedy for those broken-hearted and those who feel depressed. We need happiness from time to time to maintain our sanity. Happiness can be achieved in different ways. Even though there are many ways to gain happiness, we must always carry the fact that only true happiness can maintain our sanity. How do we know true happiness? One cannot describe true happiness. It is the purest form of happiness and to achieve requires one to fully understand himself and what does happiness actually mean to oneself. A word of caution must be said, the search for true happiness is not wrong but one can be overwhelmed by other emotions during the process. Thus, it is best to search for happiness until one really requires its power and when it decides between sanity and insanity.

The Old Man & Me

Anyone of you seen this ' monkey ' around ?




It looks like Captain has got a new toy to playwith - photofunia ! Creating the look-like-real photo ! Hey, I'll will be BACK !

Janet Jackson ( the other version )

Yeah ! Keep Rocking, babe !

Thank you for being my friend !

A NEW SPORT

A BRAND NEW EXTREME SPORT . BETTER THAN FLYING THE BRAND NEW CESSNA 182. WITNESS THE LATEST SENSATION OF FLYING.

One More Blonde

A Surgeon went to check on his blonde patient, after an operation.

She was awake, so he examined her.

"You'll be fine," he said.

She asked, "How long will it be before I am able to resume a normal sex life doctor?"

The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl."What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"

He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

An Emergency Landing

According to The Australian newspaper, an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight. The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign. The vibration stopped immediately. A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging inside the smallest room.

Recipe For The Perfect Marriage

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Singapore and mine is in KL.

3. I take my wife everywhere..... but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!"
So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?"
The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"

BE STRONG, SWEETIE !

A handsome but skinny black man breaks into the house of a rich white dude looking for money. Inside, he finds the rich dude in bed with a beautiful blonde. He orders the dude out of the bed, ties him to a chair and ties the blonde to the bed posts. The handsome but skinny black guy gets on top of her and kisses her neck and then gets up and goes into the bathroom.


While he's in there, the rich white dude whispers over to the beautiful blonde: "Listen, that black guy is very horny. I could see the outline of his dick in his pants. It's huge! I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, even if you feel you're being ripped in half...do what ever he tells you. Now please, just satisfy him no matter what. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he doesn't get his way, there is no telling what he's capable of. Be strong, baby. I love you!"


The blonde responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, sweetie. Do you mind if I watch?"
Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Ha !

Here comes the Blonde...

An Aussie walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side.He puts the crocodile up on the bar.

He then turns to the astonished patrons. "I'm going to make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit, unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Johnson in the crocodile's open mouth. The croc closed his mouth.

The crowd gasped.

After a minute,the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile hard on the top of its head.The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed, as promised.

The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks was delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer : "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a go!"

A hush fell over the crowd.

Then a young blonde at the back of the bar jumped up and shouted,"I'll do it!But go easy when you hit me on the head with the beer bottle, ok?"

Here's another Blonde

Bob walks into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sits down next to a blonde at the bar and stares up at the TV.
The 10:00 PM news is coming on.
The news crew are covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looks at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replies, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob places a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde places her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde is very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob and says, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replies, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump."
The blond replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Hooo ! Hoooo ! Hoooooo !

Age Old Wisdom About Women

When you see a woman...

And want her badly..

Please consider the following...

No matter how beautiful she is .....

No matter how sexy she is ......

No matter how cute & sweet she is ......

No matter how seductive she is .....

No matter how huge her melons are......

Er..................

Er........

Er...

I forgot What I was going to say...

Very Interesting

Very Interesting .....

A friend claimed he bumped into a gorgeous blonde in a bar. Eventually, the conversation turned to cars. After the guy told the blonde he drove a convertible, he asked what kind of car she had. She said that she drove a car that was similar to a convertible but that it was called a pervertible.

"A pervertible," the guy exclaimed, "what kind of car is that!?"

The blonde replies, "In my car the top doesn't go down but the driver does."

Another Stimulus Package

The cow thinks: "This is bad. But I try to look at the bright side - at least things couldn't get worse."

*

*

*

*

*

Then along came THE ONE !

儿童不宜的英文版

Please do not laugh so loud, others may find out, and please don't quote my name too :-


A judge asked a woman on why she wanted a divorce. She answered, 'Your Honor, he knew I'm a vegetarian n yet he still insists on putting his meat in my mouth.'

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
Answer: Your SALARY. It comes once a month last 3 - 4 days & if it doesn't come you are in deep trouble!




A nun went for a urine test. The sample got mixed up. When the doctor told her she was pregnant, she cried n said, " Shit, we can't even trust cucumber anymore !"

Mother asks daughter, how is married life? Daughter shyly says like BRITISH AIRWAYS. Mother reads the ad & is shocked : 7 DAYS A WEEK,TWICE A DAY, BOTH WAYS !

Lady Immigration officer asked a Korean tourist: " Name? " .
The Korean answered : " Park Yu. "
The 0fficer become angry & shouted back : " Fxxx YOU! Now what's your full name? "
Korean replied : " Park Yu Too ".

A baby dog asked mama dog how papa look like?

Mama dog reply : " How I know. Your papa came from behind & I didn't have chance to see his face !"


What's the difference between Stress, Tension & Panic ?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,

PANIC is when both are pregnant!

不是很黄色的笑话

袋鼠和青蛙去嫖妓，袋鼠三下两下完事，只听隔壁的青蛙整夜在一二三嘿！一二三嘿！袋鼠好羡慕，次日，袋鼠说 ：“哇！青蛙兄，你好棒哦！”青蛙说：“操，老子一夜都没跳上床！”

一只大象问骆驼：“你的咪咪怎么长在背上？”
骆驼说：“死远一点，我不和鸡鸡长在脸上的东西讲话！”
蛇在旁边听了大象和骆驼的对话后一阵狂笑。 大象扭头对蛇说：“笑个屁！你个脸长在鸡鸡上的，没资格！”

有位穷书生发奋读书，就在自己的房门前写下对联以自励，上联是：‘睡草屋闭户演字’，下联是：‘卧脚塌弄笛声腾’，横批：‘甘从天命’。有一天，一个河南人路过此地，见到这副对联就心生好奇，用他的家乡话大声地念了起来：‘谁操我屁股眼子’，‘我叫他弄得生疼’……呦，还有横批！不过这次他给念反了：‘明天重干！’

从警校毕业的张先生结婚两年,总感觉妻子有些异样, 怀疑妻子有外遇。每日，张先生总是发现妻子的手机上有一则陌生人的短讯，而且每次短讯的内容都是一样的： “赵兄托你帮我办点事。”！

晚上十点，张先生一举将出轨的妻子和那个正在苟合的男人擒拿。张先生大骂：你太小看我了，你以为那短讯我不懂？倒过来读就是 ： “十点半我帮你脱胸罩！”

一个妈妈有一天带他五岁的儿子去银行，他们排在一个很胖的女人后面，胖女人穿着整齐的制服，还带了一个呼机。当他们等着的时候，小儿子说：“哇，她可真胖啊。”妈妈立即喝止了儿子。过了一会儿，小儿子伸开两手，大声说：“我猜她的屁股有这么大。”这时胖女人转过头来看着小孩儿，小孩的妈妈赶忙道歉。胖女人转了回去，正在这时，胖女人的呼机嘀..嘀..嘀地响了起来。小孩子大声叫道：“快跑，她要倒车了！”

两个男的坐在医生的诊室外面，一个问另一个，“你怎么了？”另一个说：“我的鸡鸡上有一个红圈，你呢？”“我的鸡鸡上有一个绿圈。”一会儿，医生叫那个有红圈的先进去，一会儿他出来了，说医生对他说没事儿。有绿圈的进去了，医生检查了一下，对他说：“你的鸡鸡会慢慢烂掉，你会死的”“什么？你跟那个有红圈的人说一点事儿都没有，跟我却说会死？”“哦，鸡鸡上有一圈口红和一圈发霉可是两回事”

哈！哈！哈！哈！哈！

FOUR FRIENDS

Captain sent in the following story regarding four friends & insisted that this a good posting for my blog : -

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.

said : ' My son is my pride and joy.He started working at asuccessful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

said : ' T Nia Sing , that's terrific ! My son is also my pride andjoy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

said : 'Well, that's terrific ! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday - A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked : 'What's the hell all these congratulations about ?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for thesuccesses of our sons. ....What about your son?'

replied : 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said : 'Oh...What a shame... what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied : 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

Captain : 嘿 ！嘿 ！嘿 ！嘿 ！

Blessing for Our Friend

Just got the news that one of the uncles , EK, has been hospitalised again last night.

We understand his health situation. We worry about him. We all pray for him.

EK, keep up the high spirit smile that you have been showing to us all these while !

We'll stand by you. May god bless you.