Please do not laugh so loud, others may find out, and please don't quote my name too :-
A judge asked a woman on why she wanted a divorce. She answered, 'Your Honor, he knew I'm a vegetarian n yet he still insists on putting his meat in my mouth.'
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
Answer: Your SALARY. It comes once a month last 3 - 4 days & if it doesn't come you are in deep trouble! 
A nun went for a urine test. The sample got mixed up. When the doctor told her she was pregnant, she cried n said, " Shit, we can't even trust cucumber anymore !"
Mother asks daughter, how is married life? Daughter shyly says like BRITISH AIRWAYS. Mother reads the ad & is shocked : 7 DAYS A WEEK,TWICE A DAY, BOTH WAYS !
Lady Immigration officer asked a Korean tourist: " Name? " .
The Korean answered : " Park Yu. "
The 0fficer become angry & shouted back : " Fxxx YOU! Now what's your full name? "
Korean replied : " Park Yu Too ".
A baby dog asked mama dog how papa look like?
Mama dog reply : " How I know. Your papa came from behind & I didn't have chance to see his face !" 
What's the difference between Stress, Tension & Panic ?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
PANIC is when both are pregnant!
